Sardar-Jee Jokes Page 3

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5061. Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor.

The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and answered, " I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear! " the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But what happened to your other ear?"
"The scoundrel called me back."

5062. AjTak gets news that 100 sardars are killed in a train accident at Amritsar station. Only one sardar left alive.

The correspondent goes to him and asks, Sardarji how did it happen?

Sardar: Oh Dont ask about it....All were right as long as all were waitng in the platform for the train ....
Then came the anouncement that "Sathapthee Express will arrive on Platform number 2"...
when everyone heard that train is coming in PLATFORM ...
everyone ran to the rails to save their lives....
And the train arrived in the rails !!!

Aaj tak: Thank god. You thought well and didnt go to the rails....

Sardar: Oh no.. I was in the rails for commiting suicide and after the announcement I came to the platform !!!

[Contributed by: Nagaraj, rajpops@yahoo.co.in on 14-Nov-2003]

5063. Our Sardar is walking down the street and sees a man jumping up and down on a manhole cover yelling 86, 86, 86.

He asks the man, Excuse me, but why are you jumping up and down on this manhole cover and yelling '86, 86, 86'?
The man says, Well, I can't tell you that, but if you really want to know, I can let you go under there and find out.
He thinks for a moment, then his curiosity gets the better of him, and he says, Okay.

The man lifts the manhole cover, He steps into the manhole, and the man puts the manhole cover back and starts jumping up and down on it yelling 87, 87, 87...

[Contributed by: Nagaraj, rajpops@yahoo.co.in on 18-Nov-2003]

5064. There were 4 sardars in Mumbai. They decided to start a business.They had a lot of discussions on the type of business and finally decided to start a hotel.

They selected the best of locations and cooks and built the hotel. The hotel was inaugrated and was awaiting its first customer. The sardars waited and waited but nobody turned up. The story was the same the next day. A week passed but noboby turned up.

WHY ? - Bcos there was a sign at the entrance "Visitors not allowed."

After the failure of their hotel they decided to start an auto garage. They bought the best of car servicing equipments and soon started the garage. The 4 sardars waited that day for the first car to arrive but no car entered their garage. They waited for one day, 2 days ,a week but no car came to their garage.

WHY ? B'cos their garage was on the first floor.

After this failure they decided to fall back on the good old taxi driving. They bought a new Premier Padmini running on CNG and began to look for passengers. They drew past Churchgate but nobody hailed their taxi. They went to Nariman point yet nobody hailed their taxi. They drove to Chatrapati Shivaji Terminus, even there nobody hailed their taxi. In desperation they kept on driving all around Mumbai but alas no one hailed their taxi.

WHY ? B'cos all the four sardars were sitting in the taxi.

All the 4 sardars were very disgusted with their naseeb and decided to push their taxi into the sea at Marine Lines. They started pushing their taxi. They pushed the whole day and were very exhausted but the taxi did not move even an inch. They decided to rest for the night and start the next day. The next day the story repeated itself. The taxi just wouldnt move. They pushed for a whole week but the taxi wouldnt budge.

WHY ? B'cos two sardarjis were pushing from front and two from behind.

[Contributed by: Nagaraj, rajpops@yahoo.co.in on 18-Nov-2003]

5065.
[RAIL DERAILED..]
Once Santa Singh and Banta Singh were traveling in the train. They got the reservation in the last compartment of the train.

Then, unfortunately some time later the last compartment of the train derails and these both fellows are seriously injured and are hospitalized.

So meetings and press conferences were arranged, where they were asked for their advices about the betterment of railways, so that no more such accidents take place.

One of the sardarji said immediately that, there should be no last compartment for the train... if at all it is there, it should be shifted to the centre of the train.

[Contributed by: Vinay, vinci_485@yahoo.co.in on 1-Dec-2003]

5066.
Sardar went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this small TV," he told the salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell to SARDARs," he replied.
He hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair style, and returned to tell the salesman "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied.
"Damn, he recognized me," he thought.
He went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new hair color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before he again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied.
Frustrated, he exclaimed "How do you know I'm a Sardar?"
"Because that's a microwave," he replied.

[Contributed by: Nayeem, Nayeem.A.Chowdhury@mail.sprint.com on 25-Feb-2004]

 5067.
Santa Singh is called for an interview in some firm. He lands there on time. He is immediately hauled inside in front of the interviewing officer.
Officer looks at Santa Singh then goes through his certificates and then starts asking him questions.
Following is the transcript :
O : Mr. Santa Singh, after seeing your qualifications & credentials I would like to ask you only some simple questions. If you can answer those then you are selected. First we will start with some opposites .
S : Yes Sir.
Officer started asking questions
O : Above
S : Below
O : Front
S : Back
O : Left
S : Right
O : Male
S : Female
O : Ugly (means Next in Punjabi)
S : Pichhly (means Previous in Punjabi)
O : Ugly...U-G-L-Y( Officer spells it)
S : Pichhly...P-I-C-H-H-L-Y( Our Sardar also spells it)
O : U.....G.....L ...... Y.....(Officer shouts)
S : P ..... I ..... C ..... H ....... H ...... L..... Y......(Our Sardar also shouts)
Officer is now angry.
O : Get out
S : Come in.
O : Quiet please.
S : Talk please.
O : You are rejected.
S : I am selected
................................ and This is how Santa Singh got his job.

[Contributed by: Nayeem, Nayeem.A.Chowdhury@mail.sprint.com on 25-Feb-2004]

5068.
A Sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead.
The manager comes running and asks him, "Prahji, aap kya kar rahe ho?"
To this the the Sardar replies, "Oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai, - "Wash Basin".

[Contributed by: Nayeem, Nayeem.A.Chowdhury@mail.sprint.com on 25-Feb-2004]

5069.
Santa Singh got up in the middle of the night to answer the telephone.

"Is this one one one one one?", says the voice.

"No, this is eleven eleven."

"Are you sure it isn't one one one one?"

"No, this is eleven eleven."

"Well, wrong number. Sorry to have got you up on the middle of the night."

"That's all right, Mister. I had to get up to answer the telephone anyway."

[Contributed by: Nayeem, Nayeem.A.Chowdhury@mail.sprint.com on 25-Feb-2004]

5070.
Once Santa Singh broke his leg when he threw his cigarette butt down the manhole and tried to step on it.

[Contributed by: Nayeem, Nayeem.A.Chowdhury@mail.sprint.com on 25-Feb-2004]

5071.
Santa Singh tried to light his cigarette. He struck the first match on the seat of his pants, but it wouldn't light.

He tried another. It wouldn't light. The third one finally lit.

He lit his cigarette, carefully blew the match out and put it in is vest pocket.

"What for did you put that match in your vest pocket?"

"That's a good match. I'll use it again."

[Contributed by: Nayeem, Nayeem.A.Chowdhury@mail.sprint.com on 25-Feb-2004]

5072.
A Sardar sees lot of guys running on the highway. He asks a bystander as to why're the guys doing what they're doing.

The bystander: A Marathon race is going on

Sardar: What do they get from that?

Bystander : The winner will get a prize

Sardar : Then why are the others running?!

[Contributed by: Nayeem, Nayeem.A.Chowdhury@mail.sprint.com on 25-Feb-2004]

5073.
One Sardar came to Madras and wanted to do shopping in Burma bazaar. His Tamilian friend told the Sardar that the prices will be costly and hence asked him to bargain for half the price.

Sardar went and asked the price of stereo for which the vendor told 2000 Rs.

Sardar asked for Rs.1000.

Vendor told he can give for Rs.1800 for which Sardar told no, only Rs.900.

Vendor told ok, I will give it for Rs. 1500 Rs. for which Sardar bargained for Rs.750.

It was going on like this when finally vendor out of irritation said he will give the Sardar the stereo free of cost

"Our Sardar asked whether he will give two."

[Contributed by: Nayeem, Nayeem.A.Chowdhury@mail.sprint.com on 25-Feb-2004]

5074.
A Sardar buys a ticket and wins the lottery.

He goes to Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number.

Our Sardar says, "I want my $20 million."

The man replied, "No, Sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years. "

Sardar said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it."

Again, the man explained that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.

Sardar, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money! if you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my 1 dollar back!"

[Contributed by: Nayeem, Nayeem.A.Chowdhury@mail.sprint.com on 25-Feb-2004]

5075.
Sardar Banta Singh went to the emergency room with the tip of his index finger blown off.

"How did this happen?" the doctor asked.

"Well I was trying to commit suicide," Banta Singh replied.

The doctor asked, "Trying to commit suicide by shooting your finger?"

"No, silly! First I put the gun on my head and I thought my face would look horrible, then I put it in my mouth and I thought I just paid Rs. 1,000 to get my teeth straightened.

So then I put the gun in my ear and I thought this is going to make a loud noise, so I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger.

[Contributed by: Nayeem, Nayeem.A.Chowdhury@mail.sprint.com on 25-Feb-2004]

5076.
After making a trip of South India, Santa Singh, his wife and his son were returning to Punjab in Tamil Nadu Express.

Santa Singh was occupying the lower berth, his wife the middle berth and his son the top most berth in the train.

When the train stopped at one of the stations on the way back the son requested Santa Singh to bring him a cup of ice-cream to which Santa readily agreed.

When Santa and his son returned they found that a South Indian man who couldn't understand Hindi had occupied his son's berth. Outraged, Santa Singh called the TTE and asked him to help.

TTE requested that he could not understand Hindi/ Punjabi so it would be better if Santa Singh explained the whole situation to him in English.

Santa Singh explained, "That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving berth to my child."

[Contributed by: Nayeem, Nayeem.A.Chowdhury@mail.sprint.com on 25-Feb-2004]

5077.
A Sardar was walking along, when he looked up to observe a bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly over him.

The Sardar says, "It is good that cows don't fly."

[Contributed by: Nayeem, Nayeem.A.Chowdhury@mail.sprint.com on 25-Feb-2004]

5078.
Banta Singh was painting his living room one hot day.

His friend Santa Singh asked him, "Why are you wearing two jackets?".

"Because," said Banta Singh, "The directions on the can says 'put on two coats'."

[Contributed by: Nayeem, Nayeem.A.Chowdhury@mail.sprint.com on 25-Feb-2004]

5079.
Santa and Banta are two friends and Santa Singh has very good job. Banta singh is jobless.

One day asks Santa for some good Job.

Santa Singh says, OK. Next time we will apply together and they do.

On interview day, Santa Singh says, first i will go inside and answer all questions except last one, and after coming out, I would give you the all answers and questions. So you go and then answer there. You will get the Job.

So, Santa goes in.

EMPLOYER : When we got independence?

SANTA : Efforts started in 1857, but got freedom in 1947.

EMPLOYER : Good. Who is our PM?

SANTA : It changes daily and these days its Atal Bihari Vajpayee.

EMPLOYER : OK. What's India's population?

SANTA (He was not to reply last one so he says): Good Question, Research is going on, and when i know, i will tell u Sir.

Now he comes out and tell questions and answers to Banta Singh. Banta singh was real SARDAR and he remembers all answers and forgot questions. He goes in Now.

EMPLOYER : When were you born?

BANTA : Efforts started in 1857, but got freedom in 1947.

EMPLOYER : What???? Who is your father?

BANTA : It changes daily and these days its Atal Bihari Vajpayee.

EMPLOYER : Employer is upset now. Are u Mad Mr. Banta?

BANTA : Good Question, Research is going on, and when i know, I will tell you Sir.

[Contributed by: Nayeem, Nayeem.A.Chowdhury@mail.sprint.com on 25-Feb-2004]

5080.
A Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Sardar walk into a pub. They proceed to each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head.

The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.

The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.

The Sardar too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!"

[Contributed by: Nayeem, Nayeem.A.Chowdhury@mail.sprint.com on 25-Feb-2004]

5081.
One foggy evening two Sardarjis went out walking. One of the Sardarji was holding a flashlight, and suddenly he said to his friend:

"Why don't you just climb up this light-beam when I am holding the flashlight upwards like this?"

His friend looked at him and answered, "No, I can't do that Because if I did, you would just turn off the light, and I would fall down."

[Contributed by: Nayeem, Nayeem.A.Chowdhury@mail.sprint.com on 25-Feb-2004]

5082.
The Sardarji doctor was so afraid of bacteria, that he cooked his ice-cubes before he put them in his drink.

[Contributed by: Nayeem, Nayeem.A.Chowdhury@mail.sprint.com on 25-Feb-2004]

5083.
Ek baar ki baat hai...... Sardar banta singh ko ek ladka hua.......

but 4-5 salon ke baad wo apne baap se ajeeb-o-garib question puchhne laga......

viz, suraj east se hi kyon ugta hai??? prithvi suraj ke chakkar kyon lagata hai???.....

ye sab sawal sun kar banta singh bahut pareshanho gaye....... unhone apne bete ko doctor ke paas le gaye......

doctor chhote sardar ko examine karne ke baad bola,sardarji generally sardaron ke paas to aadha dimaag hota hai but aapke ladke ke paas pura dimaag ho gaya hai......

sunte hi sardarji bole ki iska bhi aadha dimaag kat do......

doctor bola tab to operation karna hoga......

sardarji bole thik hai kar do........

operation theatre ke bahar sardarji ghum rahe the, pareshan hokar aur andarme operation chal raha tha......

peration ke baad doctor bahar nikla to sardarji ne operation ke bare me puchha.......

doctor ne bola,sardarji bahut badi gadbadi ho gayihai.......

sardarji ne puchha kya hua???.......

doctor bola:uska galati se maine pura dimaag nikal diya......

sunte hi sardar ji ander bhage o.t. room me.......

sardar ji apne bete ko dekhkar bole: kaise ho mere puttar......

aawaz sunkar uske bete ne aankh khola aur unhe dekhkar bola: AAMAR BADI KOTHAY AACHHE??? With all respect to my Bengali freinds..........

[Contributed by: Nayeem, Nayeem.A.Chowdhury@mail.sprint.com on 25-Feb-2004]

5084.
Then there's the one about the Sardarji who brought his binoculars to a funeral where they were going to bury a DISTANT relative of his...

[Contributed by: Nayeem, Nayeem.A.Chowdhury@mail.sprint.com on 25-Feb-2004]

5085.
A Sardarji was in a night-club in New York, dancing with a beautiful woman.

He whispered into her ear, "I love you."

She smiled and whispered back, "I love you too!"

There was a little pause. (The Sardarji was thinking!)

Then he whispered, "I love you three."

[Contributed by: Nayeem, Nayeem.A.Chowdhury@mail.sprint.com on 25-Feb-2004]

5086.
There were these two Sardarji twins who looked so incredibly alike, that sometimes they borrowed money from each other without the other really knowing about it.

[Contributed by: Nayeem, Nayeem.A.Chowdhury@mail.sprint.com on 25-Feb-2004]

5087.
The Sardarji Doctor to his patient:

"It's very important that you take this medicine exactly 30 minutes before you feel the pain."

[Contributed by: Nayeem, Nayeem.A.Chowdhury@mail.sprint.com on 25-Feb-2004]

5088.

Q: Why did the Sardar signed all his checks?
A: So that, no one else could use them in case if he lost his checkbook.

[Contributed by: Nayeem, Nayeem.A.Chowdhury@mail.sprint.com on 25-Feb-2004]

5089.

Q: How many Sardars does it take to pull off a kidnapping?
A: Six.

One to kidnap the victim and five to write the ransom note.

[Contributed by: Nayeem, Nayeem.A.Chowdhury@mail.sprint.com on 25-Feb-2004]

5090.

Once a sardarji goes to a pub. He doesn't know what pubs are and why people go there. Thinking it is just a hotel he goes in with his wife.

A person before him orders "Waiter. Johny Walker, 1". The sardarji listens to this with very keen interest.

The waiter now asks sardarji "Sir, your order please."

Sadarji says"Gurinder Singh. Me and my wife".

[No wonder, Sardar assumes that Johny Walker is the name of the person]

[Contributed by: Raghav, raghavravi@yahoo.com on 17-Sep-2004]

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